The Last Countdown

FINALLY. IT'S. MY. LAST. COUNTDOWN. IN. SMK INTEC !
A BIG YAY FOR THIS !!

p/s: accounting quizzes and test are not included yet haih.

Tak pernah lagi buat countdown sebelum ni. Even during high school. But now yeah! Finallyyyy.

Btw, today is the Graduation Day. That awful time when some of your friends got 2 certs while you only got 1. Baru ku tahu apa rasa dia tak lepas 3.50. Macam ni rupanya rasa bebudak yg tak lepas 3.50 time kat TGB dulu. Pergh. Perhaps this post is some kind of an escapism from the sadness. 

K then, assignmentS await. Gtg now, ciow.

Mental Breakdown

Sorry. To keep on complaining and making a fuss about this one thing. I don't even know what is wrong with me. It hurts so much when it comes to this. Last night my friend said that her parents may not make it to the graduation day which will be held next week and how much she wanted her parents to come to that special day… 

While, being me, I don’t really want my parents to come to my graduation day. Bazir je. Result pon basa basi je.

“Saya rasa diorang takkan dapat datang tapi…. Entah, saya rasa naaaak sangat diorang datang sebab result saya yang baru2 ni memang mengejutkan. Saya tak sangka result saya macam tu. And saya nak diorang tahu yg saya tak main2 belajar kat sini, hmm walaupun mungkin macam banyak jugak main2 sebenarnya… haha”

At that time I just want to increase my mp4 volume up to the max, ignoring the meaning behind each word spurted from her mouth but this rational side of me just won’t let me. Tak nak dah nangis lagi tolong lah. Sedih hari tu tak sudah lagi. Letih dah nak tahan sedih.

APA?! AKU TAK BELAJAR LAH SELAMA NI?? AKU BELAJAR MAIN MAIN KE SELAMA NI???! I FEEL STUPID LIKE ARGH !

Aku tak pernah ambil remeh kot pasal pelajaran, as far as I know. Aku tak pernah ponteng kelas pon. I start my day every weekend earlier, spent most of my weekends finishing my assignments and study I minimize my time to watch movies to hang out with them unlike her. Nak kua ronggeng and masuk pape pertandingan pon aku fikir berkali sebab takut masa belajar terbuang. One of many reasons why I hate commitment. Aku slalu study lagi awal sebab aku sedar aku lembab aku sedar ibu abah letak harapan tinggi and I won’t let them down no more. Apa yang dia buat yang aku tak nampak, yang aku tak tahu?  Apa ?! KENAPA? Why I never get the chance to live in my fairy tale like they do or okay, if fairy tale doesn't exist, why can't at least the tale be fair to me? 

I know that I am not supposed to question God.

Terfikir gak, dapat nikmat melimpah ruah tu ujian, rezeki mahal sangat pon ujian jugak, tapi mana lagi susah antara dua ujian ni sebenarnya?

Aku still rasa ujian dari segi rezeki mahal and susah dapat apa yg kita nak even dah usaha gila2 ni, lagi susah.

Kenapa ujian Allah yang satu ni susah sangat. Berdosa banyak dah ke aku ni?

Penat dah la.

I can never tell this to my parents, my friends don’t seem to be there for me either, I got no one that I can share this sadness with except you, dear Lord. Show me how to be happy with what I have and what I did dear lord for you are The Almighty and the only one who knows me well.

Sorry once again.