Harapan hancur.

Sedih. I am no longer strong. Too tired of this mess. Promised myself not to cry over this thing ever again but I cried but seriously I wasnt sure what made me. Too much pressure and depression perhaps.
About the housemate thingy, I ve made a drastic (well not really. It was more to mature) step by confessing every single thing that burdens me all this while thru whatsapp (approximately 2 weeks ago) bcs I am pretty sure I will cry so badly and cant speak properly (due to the sobbing) if I ever confront her. Plus, memang tak reti cakap sbb nanti pasti akan tertinggal apa yg nak cakap. Everything seems to be alright after that whatsapp incident. Daripada apa yg dia reply, hubungan ni seperti ada harapan untuk pulih macam dulu lagi dan sangatlah bersyukur sbb she reacted (reply) positively to what I ve said (in the Whatsapp msg)
And then it made me realized that moving out is so not gonna solve the problem UNTIL I realized she cant actually take it well. hancur harapanku aduhai.
Sedih lah bila hosmet sendiri macam dah tak nak and dah tak suka ngan kita ni.
Now I'm considering back the 'pindah rumah' idea. Told tuddy about this. And she didnt seem to want to let me go and she didnt want to be of the same room with 'her' either. Jadi, tersepit lah lagi si poor juno. Stress sbb rasa macam jahat rasa macam asyik nak meratap mengadu mintak pendapat pasal hosmet kat org lain sampai org lain pun bosan kot pastu terpaksa lah tahan sendiri sedih sebab taknak runsingkan org lain lagi dan meratap pula di blog huhu. I just want everything to be okay again and no it's not happening like what I have wanted it to be. So here I am, lari sana sini daripada masalah, menumpang kasih sayang orang lain for the time being (huhu bunyi nak sedih je) creates kebahagian sendiri dan study of course (not to mention kesedihan terhadap markah subjek kegemaran yg tak seberapa). Help me. :(

The So Called

Guess what, I finally manage to sort my problems out! (by this I meant my problem with that person and the 'nak pindah rumah' problem) Like all of them. Wholly. But yeah, it took quite awhile though.
Weehuu. I reckon this is because I finally understand what Operant Conditioning really is. Lul, jetjet saikologis lah kan apply apa yg dah belajar to daily life. Mihmih. So, sayonara memories. I will never look back now (I wish !). Experience had been cruel to me.
I reckon we're good this way. And I would love to keep it this way for the coming 3 semesters here. This 'serious way'. To talk only when necessary, and no more of those "from heart to heart" conversation. Like ever. Luckily, she's able to follow my way (this 'serious way'), even though there's a few times that she forgot what and how we are now. Well that is totally fine cuz I'll make the 'serious way' crystal clear to her. May sounds cruel but hey at least we wont have those hard feelings ever again. yes, you are welcome. Sorry not sorry, friend.
Above all, I seek for His guidance in dealing with this hectic life. Hope I made the right choice :)
Deal with your problems smartly guys. Life is too short to not be happy.
Cheers!

Beating, for Him.

At this very moment I feel unsettled. I have something to say, something to let go, but I coudnt. These words wont  make their way out. Uncertainties conquered my heart. Aware but still not there. I hate being driven away by time. Perhaps everything was too fast for me. But, I couldnt run away. I feel trapped in my own thoughts. Things I cant be sure of. I know there must be something. Currently working on this abstract 'situation'. Is this just a phase? Cant I just fly home, kiss my mom and hug my dad now? Oh I terribly need a break. Truth hurts.

First Semester

Everything was pretty nice at the start though deep down I knew something bad(?) is going to happen in this house and among us.
Am still thinking of moving out, sooner or later. Even though we're pretty much coping well w each other. I am deeply touched and truly appreciate each second we spent together like best friends but still, you doesnt seem to be the one who could accompany me to the path of tarbiyyah and you doesnt seem to want to let me in for we can always get through this path together. But hey, still, aku tak alim pon heyyy, Serius. Iman turun naik jugak. Benda lagha kemain susah nak tinggal. (So far movie dah jarang gak hadap sebulan ada lah se muvie dua tengok tapi bila tak hadap laptop jadi hadap phone pulak most of the time guane --') Trust me, to take care of our iman is the hardest thing to do (I know this is lame and everyone know this, okay) I can never picture myself in tudung labuh like those akak usrah and I dont know if I can be like one in the future. I mean, they are super baik, dedicated to ummah etc (you know, akak usrah, diorang tak pernah berdosa bak kata matlufi luls)
Sorry, for that, I have to leave you. For the betterment InshaAllah.

Nahh I'm kidding. I can never leave this house. That is never easy. And so let's just face the music Juno. Leddo dis ! Let you be the light ! peduli lah hidup sendiri gelita pon kan. Like Musfirah said in her speech (Speaker Santai), "Kuncinya, cuba!" luls  ~('.'~) (~'.')~ ~('.'~) (~'.')~

More in 1st semester: Laptop rosak. Maka pergilah savings ku seperti debu, dibawa angin realiti dan tak kembali lagi. Spent $500!!! for laptop iCry a river. On the bright side, Syukran for I am able to taste the sweetness and experience the awesomeness of ukhuwah. Trimass Anne and Rehan teman cari leptop :')
At the same time, commitments taught me how it's like to be ikhlas and what it feels like to be one of 'them'. But still, aku tak pernah faham macam mana those 'good people' are able to stay committed to dakwah.

Next on the list, Sydney ! Not forgetting Canberra ! My very first winter getaway was FANTAWESOME! except for the cold weather of course. Never had a road trip before and I am so lucky to experience it. Melawat nature is always a good idea :D
Nah sis payung gambar sikit

See that guy, he's good looking rite? huhu.
Dah last class baru nak bercakap ngan aku sampai hati huuhuu. Dasar.

Final Exam Sem 1

Winter Getaway 2015

Okay itu sahaja buat tatapan yang merindui.

Sekian dari Juno untuk post kali ini.