answer.

midnight confession and pillow talk always work.
but the conversation that night was really is worthwhile.
as if HE is answering me.

it's 3 in the morning.
done with my tahajud and hajjat prayer.
they, hani and achick, are about to sleep after watching movie together (in my room), yet i know achick(musfirah) wont shut her eyes easily. and bcs i too, cant sleep straight away after that, i took the chance..
"hey, tido dah ke?"
"tak lagi.."
---ok let's make it short-----
achick:
"zati, tak salah nak berharap. tapi jangan sampai tersalah letak harapan awak tu, jangan letak kat orang. as long as awak letak harapan tu kat ALLAH In Shaa Allah lahh..." (achick ni ratu friendzone, ngeeee ok, harap ni tak jadi satu doa..)
"Dia je yang berkuasa atas semua, berkuasa untuk merubah hati manusia. mungkin sekarang crush kita x de perasaan yg sama macam apa yg kita harapkan. tapi kalau Dia kata orang tu jodoh awak, semua tu boleh berubah, jadi berharap lah pada DIA."

ya Allah... achick.. rasa nak menitis je air mata time tu...tahu??sebak jap.

then i ask her,
"then kalau dia, apa yg kita harapkan selama ni, what we have been through, all that longings , akan jadi sia2 je lah kalau one day, Allah kate die bukan milik kita.. kan? "

"tak, tu sebenarnya a worthwhile experience. lesson. mungkin lepas ni awak dah tau dah macam mana nak deal ngan orang macam crush awak tu.. jadi, tak sia2 pon..."

"tapi, perit ahh gak kan...weh.. sedih je.."

hmmm... both. silent.

i knew somehow HE's sending her to tell me about that, to resolve the puzzle in me..
just why am i thinking about this particular "thing" lately??
i guess i have to admit that psychologist, erik erikson was right with his theory which that as we reach young adulthood (starting 19 years old) the basic conflict in us revolves on the need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. or in other words, love is now our virtue.
perlu kah dipersetankan dahulu semua ini dan fokus pada study? 
absolutely. tapi.. it's hard to go against norm kan...
haihh...